An Insane Rebirth

"An Insane Rebirth"- didn't i powered up a little with an electric goosebump across my body while scribbling the title? I did it bro...
From a complete shattered human to picking each pieces of the part that broke into pieces down right up fixing it back to normal had been a long journey. Let me say,
Life just got entirely changed. Nothing of the my routines are same. None of the wishes remain the same. My 'Entirely' is meant a picture perfect "Entirely".
Caught with a new irregular routine, away from all the media kidoos, and yea! New wishes, new dreams, new perspective of life.
Well am trying to improve my vocabulary too, but i think grammer is up with the savagery( heeyyoo! My vocabulary just got level up)
Can you feel the pump of my blood? Because I feel it in. Great, like before in times when i take pen to scribble out something -meaningless- i would be sitting up in the chair, elbow placed in the table board & hands supporting head which is tilted almost 45° towards north, biting and chewing the pen for long untill i get the next sentance. But now this is literally great. I guess am doing really well.
No people around, no much of commitment to worry about, no one have given you a fucking schedules to follow. An irregular and incomplete days. At the end of the day, thinking, what are the shits that you have done today?- "meaningfully nothing".
It took no longer to understand what am i for real. And with no surprise though, it really had a bad part of mine. A real piece of shit which was dirty enough. Though it last for very few moments, may be not more than 10 min. I know how much worse things and thoughts it comes up with. Even those few minutes be a kind of nightmare for the rest of the day i have. Regreting for those minutes i had; thinking "i shouldnt have done that", repends a 1000 times later, but next day i eventually go for those mere 10 min again.
Why few minutes? why didnt it lasted for more time, like an hour! I thought it later when i repend upon it. I found it why; because i didnt want that part to either happen, i give up too fast. And nothing fascinates me for more long. I get over with few things easily.
Now what about the other part? Still unclear, about what makes it quench the thirst?
Bucketlist and wishlists are getting longer, every coming days intrests upon things are lost and new intrest comes up. New goals, new urges, the whole perspective of life have turned the tables. From one who given travel goals to giving thumbs up in relationship goals. I have messed up seriously.
This is not the me. Am i supposed to be this? Never know. Now things are going to be sorted. Clearly giving end to rubbing thoughts. Cling upon yourself.