You know what..?? Huh... You Never Know...

I always keep saying that time changes, people change. I think this should be announced as the universal truth. I keepon catching my ears through my backhead right?
Been struggling to figure out few things. I just get many miscilaneous stuffs, hints and examples. Damn am not that well built psychologists to figure it out. I never understood. Better, you never made me understand.
You know what..? Each day a million times you cross my head. A thousand times i wish to see you and talk to you. A hundreds of dreams i tie up for the future together, may be one in those billions is what i dont miss you..
You never know.. I had no dreams in which you arent a part. Those days when i feel lone, disturbed, deep inside thinking about you like why arent you talking any stuff. I use to sit alone in darkness; probably night, thinking all these & it drive me out like mad. Then i start to whistle and murmur bolly songs most indicating heart breaks.
I am the one who feels avoided when you dont talk or be attentionative and for next moment even a smiling emojicon can bring me back to dance on a "bangda". You can call me possesive, insecure or whatever. Because most of the time i feel unloved, or like "avoided" one. It isn't that long distance, then why dont you be so closer. Why dont you make me feel special? Like why dont you make me trust like heaven? Why dont you respect the so called "relation"?
Am seriously afraid of loosing any bit of you. I know it is difficult to maintain something for long. I am grownup so you are. It is just a matter we can handle by speaking up not more than an hour. If you dont wish to be in a commitment. Its absolutely fine. Its your choice. So that you can decide. But as a part in those points just informing and convincing would make it more easier to handle. Some things do come up with a label- 'Handle with care'. one of those thing is a relationship. If two peoples are reliable in a relationship, it is must for both to know decisions and marks taken in accordanc of relation.
I can never explain how much you mean to me. I must say; I want to be yours, each moment. But the thing is that what i feel is that you just remember me in some sort of time. After your leisure stuffs. May be in the left free time you have the time. If that time is unavailable a day there is no question of thinking about me.
Even sometime my head buzzes saying- he has gone, like forever. May be someone has caught in his eyes or like he wants to end it up. He is just fedup of my drama's. All this come because of my lack of trust.. yea i know this is of my fault. I dont have that trust on you. This is just because because you never made anything for me, that is worth of my craving will on you.
Even if someday you left me alone, you are never going to know how much you mean to me. How much i starved for your commitment and words. Like am sure  i'm never going to get someone like you. And will never love someone as i loved you. Cause you taught me the do's and don't in a promise..
Love you..💙

Dated 28-2-2017