GOODBYE SPEECH FOR YOU..

Maybe this one be an essential thing somedays right?? A goodbye speech! Damn i dont know why do i think about stuffs like this. I seriously dont want this so called 'speech' to be happened, but i cant insist. Even i prepared it for someday when he would say- "I know its late.. we had so much dreams & promises together. But now its time. I dont see a future together. Lets end it up.....!"
I dont know what would i say at that time. May be i would take longer to retain my conciousness. perhaps i would say-
"I did know some days this would happen. Before you go let me say something to you..
I dont want to wither out all the memories right now. But trust me we seriously had good times together. Yea we dreamt, made promises, we had bit small & cute fights and a lot more. I seriously had a much good time. Beleive it or not, i never know if i could ever love someone as i loved you or like someone else would ever come in to. Even if that happen that person won't  be worth up to you. You were my good, better and the best. And no one could ever replace you. I cant explain how much i love you; how much i did.. in a pretty small time. I dont even know how all these happened even though i know-you were not of my type. You were the extreme opposite of what i was. A complete mirror image of mine. Just too much opposite stuff. We used to say; Opposite attracts.  May be some destiny was also included in these stuffs. You were not the perfect one. But the imperfections in you have made me fall for much of the time.
You just said we dont have a future toghether. Yea we thought about it for all the time at the first & at this late time, i dont know why does that bothers so much.
You know what, who ever knows me have always advised; just have less intensity, make it less seriously so that you dont have to regret. But all the wordings have never influenced me. Even for once i never decreased my love. May be the so called "intensity" have increased in all these times..
I never had a dream, in which you weren't present. I have never seen me in future without you. I have always wanted you to be mine. I have always wanted me to be yours, whom you be proud of. But today i respect you that you have been brave. May be you have grown. I respect. May be you had a struggle inside yourself all these time. May be just because of me, you have been caught by all these stuffs. May be i have blamed you for so much time when i did feel lone, when i aggrieved your ignorance and all. Trust me that wasn't intentional. Just was my love for you that made me up with those. Even i had stuffs like 'Unloving' sort of things felt with me, i have tried to be strong & think from your point of view. I wont blame you or hate you ever (How could i do that??). Just i wanted to say sorry for whatever i did, that you didnt like me doing or hurted you for long. I do apologise. And yea I dont want you to forgive me because that doesnt make any differenc in us. Sorry if i troubled you in any way or the other.
And i should thank you for bearing me for long. For accepting my stupidity,those foolishness,those stubborness and all. Lot of times you may have felt the anger towards me. Thank you for being quite at that times. I always said you have the complete right on me. I should say you haven't misused it or even you never used that power at all. I'll always be greatfull to you. No matter how much you hurted or you made me cry or just break down within my knees, these have never been a matter & i always did overcome with these. And that was only because of the "LOVETHING"
Again thank you.. Thanking you for so much of stuffs. Even you have been with me for small time and some other time when i needed your comfort you weren't there, for which i would definetly thank because all that have made me even stronger. Thanks for all those memories that you literally lended me for some time that i would never forget nor ever i'l be able to. Thank you for your precious time that you spend out for me. Thank you for those beautiful love texts and the chats which would always be close to my heart. And Thank you for all those small and big things. I never know what i would have been without your shadows. There was never a day without a thousand million times you crossing my head & mind. Its the nature that said anything wont last longer.
I dont know if its too late or too fast. All i know is everything is going to change for me. From now maybe no waitings, no daydreams & nothing. Things are going  to change. I dont know what and how  the things are going to be. It has left so much of scars and marks in me that is not going to be healed so fast. I wont say that i would miss you or i would remember you. All i do say is those bundle of sorrys and thankyou's.
Inbtw of that so much of disimiliarities you tried so hard to make me myself. You didnt know about me so well, may be you never tried. Yea something was inbtw us. And finally i would like to say that you were the best thing that ever happened with me. I have wished that no power in this world should try to seperate us; untill this day.. 
Youll never know how much i loved you, how much i adore you, how much did i admired you, so did how much i wanted you and today i dont know how i am going to move on. But trust me am strong i am not broken. I have my wings. I'll try to fly much harder. Lets check out what the almighty have planned. May be something good is waiting to come. But let me clear it again, you were and you are the best. No good can compare up with you. Wish me good, Thats all you can do. Just dont forget to take my sorry's and thankyou's with you. I'll try to retain my heart that you stole..."
Too big thing right.. Its my uncontrolled tears that made too time to scribble & some stuffs got inside. And today when i right this, nothing is on its way. The count of my tears that flowed out is immense. I can't imagine a day that i would seriously face it. Just i dont want this to happen. And i cant imagine myself in a mood swing because of the nervous breakdown. I dont think i wont be able to handle it. Since Imaginary part is these much hard, reality would be more sucking sour..

You know what..?? Huh... You Never Know...

I always keep saying that time changes, people change. I think this should be announced as the universal truth. I keepon catching my ears through my backhead right?
Been struggling to figure out few things. I just get many miscilaneous stuffs, hints and examples. Damn am not that well built psychologists to figure it out. I never understood. Better, you never made me understand.
You know what..? Each day a million times you cross my head. A thousand times i wish to see you and talk to you. A hundreds of dreams i tie up for the future together, may be one in those billions is what i dont miss you..
You never know.. I had no dreams in which you arent a part. Those days when i feel lone, disturbed, deep inside thinking about you like why arent you talking any stuff. I use to sit alone in darkness; probably night, thinking all these & it drive me out like mad. Then i start to whistle and murmur bolly songs most indicating heart breaks.
I am the one who feels avoided when you dont talk or be attentionative and for next moment even a smiling emojicon can bring me back to dance on a "bangda". You can call me possesive, insecure or whatever. Because most of the time i feel unloved, or like "avoided" one. It isn't that long distance, then why dont you be so closer. Why dont you make me feel special? Like why dont you make me trust like heaven? Why dont you respect the so called "relation"?
Am seriously afraid of loosing any bit of you. I know it is difficult to maintain something for long. I am grownup so you are. It is just a matter we can handle by speaking up not more than an hour. If you dont wish to be in a commitment. Its absolutely fine. Its your choice. So that you can decide. But as a part in those points just informing and convincing would make it more easier to handle. Some things do come up with a label- 'Handle with care'. one of those thing is a relationship. If two peoples are reliable in a relationship, it is must for both to know decisions and marks taken in accordanc of relation.
I can never explain how much you mean to me. I must say; I want to be yours, each moment. But the thing is that what i feel is that you just remember me in some sort of time. After your leisure stuffs. May be in the left free time you have the time. If that time is unavailable a day there is no question of thinking about me.
Even sometime my head buzzes saying- he has gone, like forever. May be someone has caught in his eyes or like he wants to end it up. He is just fedup of my drama's. All this come because of my lack of trust.. yea i know this is of my fault. I dont have that trust on you. This is just because because you never made anything for me, that is worth of my craving will on you.
Even if someday you left me alone, you are never going to know how much you mean to me. How much i starved for your commitment and words. Like am sure  i'm never going to get someone like you. And will never love someone as i loved you. Cause you taught me the do's and don't in a promise..
Love you..💙

Dated 28-2-2017

Bae As Your Valentine

Had no rose day, no kiss day, no choclate day & non of any cheesy stuff. Just had normal hard scheduled wednesdays and thursday.
Surfing through my instagram, i could see some maddies posting story's saying- "yeey.. Its choclate day. So who's gonna give me choclates today.." LOL. this is what it happens most of the days, for more of the peoples. You are not sure about your valentine needs and seeking approval from the concerned.
For me valentines day is the day for those who love. Its their day. Its not about the histry, myths or anything. But a day essential to flavour up the love and to nurture up the fragrance. Have that sip of love with the tears of chears because your love have won the hearts and say to each other.. yea.. we did it... ❤
Dated-14-2-2017