ZOOMING IN TO MEMORIES..

Once i sat upon the topmost corner of the hill. Alone... there were trees,birds fluffing around, the grassgreen carpet & wide blue sky. I turned around. Is this the eternity and ecstasy? I could seen nothing expect the wonder of the nature. Since i had nothing to do but only feel the nature, i went searching for myself.
The camera of my thoughts zoomed inside me. Each and everythings i went past; i saw many things around...
So much of nostalgias, The memories which were good, best, most, bad, worst, haunting, surprising and what not. I thought about things that have happened before, those of which i love to ReLive or ReFeel. What if i got a chance. Well that wont happen..
There were numerous moment which; when i think i just shake my head out and blink my eyes to get that thing out. Those worst moment, that awarkward moment..
Some of those which cannot be cleared out from the memory even after ages. Those which i want to change if i got a chance in million to relive.. those which i would have rewritten the scripts. Thinking of one such moment i came back.. blue sky is turning bit red. Sun had got the alarm to switch the duty..
Things come, change & go.. but some of the memories are framed up in big-big potraits in the wall lining up at our head. Which were hung using much bigger nails. Those which are hard to remove and no one can steal it. Those which degrade with the passing time and those shine up with the passage of time.  Wish only for happiness & happy things happen those stay in forever rather those which be nightmare.. 

ABOUT ISHA💙

Since all these time you have been viewing my blog And obviously ending up reading a few post you may realise i have got a bit of madness in me. Well am not normal in the sense that as usual ones. Well am'nt braging myself..
Here the thing is that i dont want to be like others. I want my uniqness to be shown off. Tried hard to scribble myself in the description at "home" unfortunately only 500 characters were allowed. So thought why dont a post itself decribe me than a short description.

(Again" am not braging myself)

Well i am simple girl with some extra in the ordinary. People say i have a different attitude about things around. A right and wrong in each. Who always be on stand with a decision. Am too cold to be hott.. like always be on board with I-DONT-CARE thing.
I am to be independent, Even lonliness is my goodfriend. I love being alone. The Word alone is also a different thing. In a sense that being alone at a place where no one is present is different from being alone in a crowd...  So here i get frustrated in the crowd if am alone. But the utter loneliness has always shown one of its shoulder to lay on.
I wish to make a change through even it isnt a drastic change. For the world around me i could contribute something by my own to bring a small change in this big world.
Also Am the one who doesnt wish to be considered with the knot "She is a girl" well quite feminine. I culd brag for equal rights as others.
I have a dream.. i have a quote.. i do have an aim..  i dont know how much i work for it. But for sure that dream would be out in flying colours. Even under much of stress i can give a wide smile & thats my strengh i can show ☺

Smiled widely..
  loved dearly..
    hate passionatly..
       felt truly.. ❤

DATED 13-11-2016

Today A big thought had caught me. Was I born with this writing skill, or I was born to write. I dont see my writing skils usefull during an examination session. Then somewhere i realised I write when so much of emotions are braiding around me.. when my heart aches for soo long time; when heart go still for sometimes and beats far alternatively. Yea Am writing now. Which means i have a bit of heartache right now.
Its that i feel like a puppet dancing and acting for someone and everyone. Just for the sake of others entertainment. Am i not that accomplished as a person? This is my question. How much is my victory as a good personality?
I always think of having a pluckcard around my neck saying I-AM-NOT-BAD. Yes am not that a bad girl. I have my goodness somewere. My true potential is somewere.  I dont think everyone is aware of that. Neither people agree that am good or bad. No one could really judge me in this. This is what i call the personality failure.

EXPECTION HURTS..

Everytime it happens.. Think a lot, do a lot for it & finally when the time comes it just seem less practical, less isolatable..
Finally stay inside the mud helplessly. Everyone in the world think of something that you wish to happen and start modifying that. Like yea i will say that, i would do something like this, we could go as per plan & Etc.. Yu Think and stuff a lot inside you. But finally when it happen, it would be like an egg has fallen instead of the atom bomb you have expected. I guess this doesnt only exist in me. May be 9/10 will have the taste of it. It is just only on the basis of the quotation that "EXPECTATION HURTS" I repeat it really hurts. Some of our expectations be like the dream come true; But When it doesnt happen it really give the damn shit out of everything..
                                            29-10-2016

The Jealous Girlfriend

Yes, I am the jealous girlfriend. I know i have rights on you as my boyfriend. I will fight, i will conquer you with my ego, i will spy on your naughty stuffs But i will never stop loving you.. may be my jealousy gets its starting point when i just feel will he go out of my hands or what. This voice comes from my head by the way. And thinkings tie a knot at the end by the voice raised by my heart saying "he is all yours babe" This complexion of the fear of losing him is much a lot more, Way too long..  It cant be simply sorted down. Like, a slight slant in earth can cause earthquake; the same slant is what i fear in my relationship..

A pretty big thing called TRUST

TRUST; This may be a 5 letter word,but its meaning could take about 50 yrs to be built. Its something that is hard to create and easy to destroy. May be it can be a contradiction to Newtons law of conservation.
Its hard to conserve by the way. And for your loved ones, They need to crack you for first. To believe in someone so madly deoend on both people, any one going by your side can say; Hey I LOVE YOU, or something like I can be trustworthy. But its all about bring it practical. Being able to keep the words and obviously prooving it.
You may have trust in someone but still somewhere you are afraid of doing something with them or sharing something. Its only because you feel a kind of drowingness.. the trust you bonded is not worth for your deeds. His/her action are yet to be improved.
In my case, i say that; I seriously trust him, same a *fill in space* is empty. Probably he has done nothing all this time. I dont want to trust him blindly.  But yet a try from his side is to be done. Is that try is lacking as he dont bother about this trust issue or what if he dont need my trust.
I want you do somthing... that could fill the space thats blank. May be right now. Or something someother day To make things so much more lovely. I want you to proove yourself to me that you are worth of my 100% so called trust. I need that space to be filled.
                                      DATED:24-10-2016

The unconditional Love Dated 20-10-2016

I MISS YOU more than anything else. Its been a long time that i have repeated those 3 littles words which mea a lot. I dont know how you would be feeling right now but am in my worse. Even the breathing seems too difficult for me. I feel the awkward lonliness, which can be only blemished by you... only you can wash it out.
Yea since there been soo much issue, the chance to speak out to heart is much been like a hurddle. As this is been continous I miss that much; May you dont realise it any day And moreover another thinking has stuch at my head that i wish to be wrong every moment....
I seriously doubt myself. I need your assurance. Just say whether you Love me or not.. if yu do just say its real from your heart. Just repeat you are going to be with me forever. Make sure you wil be my prince charming always. Just call me beutiful.. say it loud that everyone hear.
Just love me all the time...
Just be mine always..
Just give me your time, your priority.
I serioisly need you to be mine mahn...
I guess this is my unconditional love💙

Confused Relationship-Dated 20-10-2016

It would be a different kind of approach towards the life when you encounter the pseudo thinking that, yea maybe he dont miss me or sometimes you live on like he doesnt bother about you. He will be buzy in his schedules while you are fast dreaming, missing, shrudding him. You always wants him to be with you forever & ever till the last breath. But you lay thinking, no he wont be intrested in me, may be he would dump me soon, he is little possesive, may he is just having a play with you, ee am ugly he deserves better or whatever.
But when the moment comes, when you again start to miss, the above so called thinkings are just crumbled sheets in the bin.
You remember those things together with him. The unshared secrets with him, his talks that only you could understand. The thing he promised & everthing of his with you; just make you think he is mine, he could only be mine.
The dilemma comes when you are away from him,Not physically but virtually. In the virtual reality when he is away from you, you go thinking the above stuff. Seriously you doubt at those moment whether this is LOVE because every lovestory is unique. Since you havent encountered with others story so much. You doubt: would my story be a tale of prince and princess.
Let he too realise your value some days & make sure you knew it. This is where love lies.. ❤

Dated 18-10-2016

I see myself struggling with lot of stuffs.  And everything around me sounds uneasy. I know i was not always satisfied with myself. I always blame myself of being ugly, unsuccesful, inappropriate, bad, worst and all the adjective defining the same meaning as the else. See am a failure. Why am i composed of that soo much gene i doesnt even require & why lot of genes are missing in me. I also know i am something different from all the others around me only because of that gene patternisation. I am just not satisfied as i feel low because of some of my activities, of that attitude, that stuff i have, that things i do, which i regret it after the action and much i dont want to do & leave those character from me. Just i want to be clean. The "I"  "I" thing is much more in my stuffs. I  seriously doesnt want to show myself. I doesnt mean myself to be shown as a looser. This i do because no one seriously criticise about me or its much more better to say everone just backbite. I need that opinioms about myself to reach my ear from their mouth. But its also true that i even dont like to be criticised soo much by someone. This is my case. All what i can do is just to critisise myself all the time.. and end up blaming myself fkr the birth..!

Dated 17-10-2016

The last and final door above the steps are too closed. The last hope obviously, that showed the envio around me without the grills. The one on which i sat for too long & gets tired waiting for someone. From where i rush to hide wgen i see others. To whom i shared the lonliness. The air that gave me humidity throughout; It got locked today. And the key is somewere near that even if i reach it i have to relock it each & everytime. That is something going to happen forever... :(

Dated 25-10-2o16

This is the moment when life has got in really serious mood. Whether to move as it is or an implicate decision is to be taken . Many of the confusions has arised in my mind. Rather confusions, better it would be choices to be used good indeed. Seriously, everything is getting so,so serious. Alas, i never gonna know how it last until that at the end.. My lord Give me a happy ending.. Praying for good

Blessed and Cursed

Why me with this dual nature?Seriously am not loving it. Obviously i am blessed with lot of stuffs and am happy with that. And am so thankfull to the creator. But where did things gone wrong! From where some of the unwanted genes got struck inside me. I couldnt even control it and i am struggling with it very badly. Its a curse by mean. I really do want to get ride of some shits out in me.. Hard on thing!

Dated-Veronica decides to die

Yes The phrases are always right. May be some excitments can only last for few period. One can seriously never be fascinated at something for so long. The eagerness at the start is not as same as that at the end. Yea the word "intrest" made a lot of change in and out of me. It is also never the same. Deficient-precise-rich delending on certain time. Unpredictable and obviously unsteady and unbalanced..

Dated till 23-09-2016

Something that kicks my ass is when i really dont give a shit about anything & everything make no sense to me.. There i show off a grace-out-full attitude  that hides out in sunlight & comes out in the moonlight, and i talk to the stars & to my self 'alone'

Dated 22-9-2016

Yet another long term with less commutivity. Damn in a dilemma.. Once i had lost it. And even for one more time i cant afford to lose him. This is making me out of head.

Dated 24-9-2016

I wanted to make the days special. Special as it, because 1 year just means a lot to me. Never something like this gonna happen again and has happened before.may be what if i dont get a chance to account with one more versary? So these days means a lot more.even i cant express that to him, yea am celebrating... Myself inside me. I feel to fly high. I dont know how he has felt all these things may be more or less like 'no change'. I dont know how much excitment he has caught with.. now i dout the dedication. Is that a 100% from him or am I less? I Feel pretty uncomfortable at this point when i think about it. Thats were this anniversary got a scar on its charm.. Happy anniversary baby If yu havent forgotten the date.. ☺

My Secret Files

I have been dreaming of this platform for soo long time. Since its been true I have to say.. Hey you.. the one who is reading it i have much more to say.. juzt stay updated because all these while i have been scribbling and scribbling things in rough and scetch. Will be posting all those Soon.. Again its something of my dream... and i cant explain how i feel right now.

Overjoyed completely ♡

MY DREAM OF SOMETHING MY OWN

Today is the day i have turned 18 nd stepping to the last year of the teenship.. This is what i have always wanted to, i always owed of being on my on legs.. yet thats so far.. So as my first stepping stone here i Create My Blog-Isha's Diary
This is not to improve my vocubulary or the whatever.. Just only because I have want to speak to the world.. yes I have lot of people around me who i say they are mine. Still I dont have the one who completely i owe.. No one i have to whom i can share all the shits nd thoughts.. and here i beleive my thoughts could Get to some1 who can relate and can bit know me..
So let me wish myself... happy blogging.. :)